Make Love a Verb

I tell couples who want to get married that there are three kinds of love it takes to make a marriage work.  There is a friendship love, a romantic love and a commitment love that all must be nurtured for a lifetime.  The first two of these are something you feel.  The third is something you choose to do.  Nurturing all three is a choice that takes intentionality and makes it possible to sustain love for a lifetime. You need to learn to make love a verb.

Love is something you don't just "fall into" (and out of).  It is something you do.  It is a verb.  Love him.  Love her.  Even when you don't feel like it.  For more on this topic, you can listen to the message I preached on this at my church HERE.

Transforming Conflict Into Intimacy

 I've been married for almost 24 years now, and I've learned a few things.  Marriage takes work and intentionality.  Maybe you didn't realize when you stood up and pledged your love to each other before God and witnesses exactly what you were signing up for, but you did it.  You said words like "for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live."  Maybe now you are realizing that what you signed up for is much harder than the fun romantic notion you had when you got married.  Maybe you think you married the wrong person.  Probably not.  

The reality is that marriage is a struggle.  Put two selfish people together (we all are to some degree) and try to get them to live as one.  It's the most beautiful thing in the world when it works and it can be the most painful thing in the world when it doesn't.  But it can be done.  It is a profound opportunity for creating the closest thing to heaven on earth.  You just need to learn to transform conflict into intimacy.

The "US" marriage workshop is an opportunity to learn to do that.  Traci and I attended this workshop last February and had the most intimate conversations we've ever had (which led to some of the best sex ever too by the way).  We have a good marriage and have learned and practiced many of the principles taught by Dan and Aileen Toccini in this workshop for many years.  We realized just how powerfully these principles have shaped our lives over the last 18 years since we first learned them.  I can literally say that what you will learn in this weekend will transform your marriage and your family.

Whether you are still in the honeymoon phase or on the verge of divorce, this workshop will give you the tools and set the stage for an intimacy you may not have even considered possible.  I invite you to join Traci and I as we host this workshop with Dan and Aileen Toccini in Dana Point February 3-5th.  It is the best investment you can make in your marriage.  For more information or to register, click HERE.  You will be glad you did!

11/11/11 from 11 to 11:11

So this is a big day for weddings.  Last year it was 10/10/10.  This year it's 11/11/11.  Next year it will be 12/12/12 if the Mayans and doomsday prophets are wrong.  It's an easy anniversary to remember.  But your day should be memorable enough that you don't need a gimmick.

I just did an intimate private ceremony on top of a parking structure overlooking the Mission San Juan Capistrano with a couple who met up there.  They already have a wedding planned (and will still do it with all their friends and family) but wanted to take advantage of this date to tie the knot.  So this clandestine affair took place with only me and the photographers to capture the event.

We started at 11 AM and I was able to time the ceremony to finish with the big kiss at 11:11.  It was fun, romantic, simple and cheap.  For some couples, that makes the memory they are looking for.

Whether you plan ahead for a special date like today (as my last couple today did booking me 14 months in advance to be sure to get the date because she is a math and binary freak!) or you capitalize on it at the last minute flexible time with a few friends, you should make your day memorable by living in the moment and hiring a good photographer to snap candid shots.  The only memories posed pictures make is how much your face hurts from the plastic forced smile you have to hold all day.

Rainy Day Weddings

So it's the day you've been planning all your life and most intensely for about a year, and it's raining! What are you supposed to do?

Since most of the weddings I do are outdoors, I have some experience with inclement weather weddings. Today is looking like it could be one of those days. I am performing a wedding ceremony at Tivoli Too in Laguna Beach early this evening. This is where having the right coordinator comes in handy. Here are a couple thoughts about how to deal with a downpour.

1. Plan ahead. You can't control the weather, but you can ask your wedding planner and the venue what their plan is in case of rain. Do they have cover? Tents? Umbrellas? Indoor options?Heaters? If you plan ahead, you will at least know the answers.

2. Make the call. When you realize it's going to rain, make the call to your planner, venue and vendors to give them the heads up and ask if there is anything they will need to do differently. It's not their wedding day so they aren't thinking about the weather as much as you. Don't be afraid to make the call and ask.

3. Keep your cool. Think of this as a fun challenge, not as a disaster. Just roll with it. The serenity prayer comes to mind - "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, (like the weather) courage to change the things I can (like your attitude and your makeup) and the wisdom to know the difference."

4. Make the most of it. Go with the rainy day theme. Some of the best wedding photos I've seen are rainy day pics. You won't be wearing this dress again, so don't be afraid to trash it. Embrace the wildness of it and you will have a memory that lasts a lifetime.

Disneyland Wedding Video

http://vimeo.com/30779168

How late should a wedding start?

Brides often don't know if they should start on time or wait a little. Here are a few things to consider.

1. If you are getting married at a venue that does lots of weddings, they keep a tight schedule. The coordinators will push you to start on time. Go with it.

2. If you are planning to start late and telling your guests another time, be sure to tell your vendors ahead of time. They plan their schedules around the actual times you tell them.

3. It is normal to start 5 minutes late, OK to start 10 min late, acceptable to start 15 minutes late, but after that it gets tacky. Don't make the people who got there on time pay for the tardiness of others.

4. If you are starting late, having something to drink for your guests will pass the time.

5. If the weather is not good and it is outside and people have to wait a long time, they may get cranky, sunburned or cold. Think about your guests.

6. Whatever you do, don't stress. It's your wedding and ultimately you can do what you want. People will give you grace. Be in the moment!